A Word

Good ol' Oswald (Chambers). He always puts things so eloquently. Here's aword the Lord gave me today. I hope it blesses you too.

Gracious Uncertainty



" . . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . "



~1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise— trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next— that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?"We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God — it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, ". . . unless you . . . become as little children . . ." Matthew 18:3. The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, ". . . believe also in Me" John 14:1, not,"Believe certain things about Me". Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in— but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

10 wEakS, 2 daZe

Feeling extremely nauseous today and really tired. I could lay down under my desk right now and take a nap. In fact, no one would really miss me...ha ha. Well, I really have thought about it. Last night I took a nap at 6 got up to eat again, slept again, ate again, and slept hard all night. This baby bakin' is wearin' me out!

I tried to swim this morning and my energy level was a bit low. I did what I could. Splashed around a bit, made some waves and got out. Well, not really but that's what I felt like. I am having a little trouble concentrating here at work. I can't wait until this sickness and tiredness wears off- "they" say it should subside around 13 weeks. Only 3 more to go! Yipee and please Lord.

My cousin is coming into town this weekend, and her mother is my mother's sister and best friend. I will have to be very careful. I am showing already so I had to go to the store and get some new clothes. I feel much more comfortable in these clothes. I don't feel like I have to suck in as much to "hide" this growing tummy. My stomach is like going upwards into my lungs already. It's definitely up more than out, which is not what I was expecting. I feel really full all the time, but my tummy growls alot too!

It's Tuesday and I'm already looking forward to the weekend!!

Oh my goodness-HILARIOUS!!

This guy is really funny- I got his name from a friend's blog and this is my favorite so far...

Flying Solo, sort of

Today Michael went to Hume Lake with our good friend Tim Henigman to the Annual Fisherman's Conference. Here's a picture from last year, he looks so "mountain man-ish"! He talks about going all year and gets so excited about it! I love that he gets to do this. It's 3 days of shooting guns, paintball, fishing, burping, f*rting and eating. A man's glory!

BUT, that means I am flying solo for a couple of days. I think I may go to a total chick flick tonight by myself at the dollar theatre. This is something I've never done, but I'm thinking why not? Then again, I am not really alone any longer am I?

Then, I'll go to the grocery store for the 4th time this week, stock up on my edibles and go home and fall into bed early like I've been doing a lot of lately.

Picture of the day

2007

No Turnin' Back

So, today I am 9 weeks and 3 days along! The weekly email tells me that our baby can stretch its arms and legs and all it's organs are already developed! Next week, baby officially becomes a fetus, and is no longer called an embryo. Now, that is somethin' special.

My friend Cristina told me something that has best resonated with me thus far " no matter what anyone tells you, nothing can prepare you (for pregnancy)". I have a skin virus/rash (because my immune system is probably weaker right now) a UTI, a stuffy nose, nausea, and and aching back! Not to mention, I have NO energy, I'm very moody, and I spend about a quarter of my time daily running back and forth (discreetly of course) to the bathroom!! A country song comes to mind: Poor Poor Pitiful Me. Woe is me... no really, what a new adventure!

I am not complaining, just stating the facts. So girls out there who want this like I did- just get ready! When it comes, there ain't NO turnin' back!!

I know the baby inside me is going to be such a joy that all this 'stuff will become a distant memory.

Right??

Terrible picture, but I am growing!

It's a Beach Thang People

We love to go to the beach. It has become quite a tradition for us. Each weekend, we head out to Huntington and spend the day in the sand and sun. Here are some shots from this month.
















I didn't take the last one...it was taken by a professional photographer unlike myself ~tee hee.

Divided Interests

When we got married, I felt this pull, this tug occuring. Coming from single life to sharing time with another, my time with Christ was in competition like never before. Though new ways arrise to do this with your spouse, that solitude time was a bit harder to create.

Today, I realized what a plunge my spiritual life has taken even in the past few weeks. I have basically stopped reading my bible (again) and my thoughts are so focused on me and this sweet one inside. I will not justify this, however, I do know why it is happening. I spend most of my time preparing food and devouring it! I just think it's funny that I had this idea that "when I got pregnant" I would be so enraptured by God and so taken by the things that He is doing in my body (which I totally am) that it would spur me on to be ever more devoted to the reading of His word and prayer.

I see my interests are dividing again. A wife and now a mother. A mother. Mom. Woah.
Everything is new, so naturally I desire to daydream, however, the REALITY is: I need Christ in my day now more than ever before. I feel this is a natural process (isn't it?)- and maybe even one the enemy uses as a tactic to keep us away from Truth. I do desire Christ, I am just feeling torn. So, instead of being divided, my prayer today is that this brings me ever closer like I imagined it would.

Here's a pic from 8 weeks! A little bulge.

Baby Names

It's been a long 3 weeks, and I am wondering how I will make it through 4 more of sworn secrecy! The "morning" sickness is so inappropriately named! I mean give credit where credit is due...it can go very well from morning to afternoon, and on into the evening! Very very fun. Gum is my new best friend. Thanks mom, for enduring this during your pregnancy for me!
The times I do feel good are such a blessing, for Michael too I know, and we spend them wisely. We went out to Cheesecake Factory in Irvine on Wednesday and sat in our favorite spot on the patio. Then, we went to Barnes and Noble and looked at the baby name books.... The names we love weren't found in a book though.

They have been picked out for years already. For a boy, we like: Josiah Michael Clark, And for a girl: Kate Elise Clark.

Stories behind the names:
Josiah comes from the Old Testament and is originated from Hebrew meaning "Jehovah helps". He was a good king and the bible says in 2nd Kings 23 " Neither before nor after Josiah was there a king like him who turned to the LORD as he did—with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength..." What a faithful follower of God!

Another story about this name is :One day we were in TN with the fam at Dollywood ( our little hometown amusement park) and we were talking about baby names. I decided I loved Josiah years ago and it's the only boys name that Michael really gets excited about. So, we were walking along and turn the corner and there is this 4 foot sign on the fence that displayed in huge letters "Josiah Michael Clark" on it...moments after we've been talking about the name Josiah. My mom said, "Abby, look!" From then on, it was settled. The sign was telling about the conductor of the first train that was built in the park....very very cool. Yep that's right... the middle name is after my sweet hus- the greatest man I've ever met.

Kate is the only girls name that we both love. We have some dear friends who's child is named Kate, who we adore. And the middle name is after a very dear friend of mine...Helen Elise Anderson Woolsey. Ever since she told me her middle name in highschool, I've tucked it away in my mind thinking of how beautiful it sounds when you say it. Elise. Elise.... Elise.... I love it!

So there you have it. Disclaimer: I am sure all of this is subject to change at any given hormonal moment.

Ruminations from a first time pregnant gal

How is it possible to love someone so much that you've never even met and don't even know? That's the feeling I have. I can't wait to meet this child. I have such a long way to wait though! Some people report of pregnancy flying by and I just can't imagine the thought! It's been 2 weeks 5 days since finding out and although each day is getting easier to get back to my normal thought life, it is still always there, in the back of my mind. Ok, so it's not easier at all. I guess it is better now that I am getting used to the idea of the new diet, the secret, and the new feelings in my ever stretching and growing body.

I was laying in the floor the other day, stretching and all the sudden I disovered I wasn't stretching at all, but had been laying there daydreaming for who knows how long. What will our baby look like? What will it feel like to hold our child for the first time?

These are the ruminations from a first time pregnant lady.

Today I am 7 weeks, 2 days.

Pregnancy Tales

Goodwill=Good Deal! Right after we found out, we went to Goodwill to see if some nice person had chosen to recycle that infamous book "What to Expect When You Are Expecting". As God would have it, the regularly $15 book was there on the shelf and only $3 what a steal! So, I am sure you will see me refer to the "book" alot because it has really been invaluable these past few weeks. We also found another really neat photo book that gives you colored pics of the baby in the womb in each stage of development. Each night, I can hardly wait to get home and put my nose in these books. We read about how the embryo is developing each week.


Sickness and Food: I am SOOO thankful that I don't suffer with severe morning sickness. I've had the occasional bouts with a queasy , unsettled stomach where the very thought of food in general makes me nauseated. Certain foods that I loved now completely gross me out! Even if I think about eggs I want to gag...excuse me... and food doesn't interest me in the least. I only eat because I know I have to. That's quite a change for a girl who thinks every meal is a grand event! But the mac daddy of things that NO ONE EVER TOLD ME, is that you aren't supposed to have chocolate and you are supposed to cut sugars out totally. WHAT in the world am I supposed to do for the next 7.5 months? It's been a long 2 weeks folks... a long 2 weeks. That and the secret keeping is enough to make me go insane. =)

Mood swings and other things: I know that Michael will nod a big yes to the fact that I have been 'slightly' experiencing moodiness. Sorry hunny bunny!

I also have these weird little stretch feelings inside my abdomen and also in the back by my pelvis, but the "book" says that I am just growing in there making room for the little baby.
We look forward to finding out whether the baby is a boy or girl, and we already have our names picked out!!

Us? Parents? Wow, the thought is to overwhelming to imagine. I think it is best that we take it day by day because there are lots of details that must be discussed and necessities that must be combed over. Today, I just relax, it's Friday and we have a nice weekend ahead. Me, I'll spend alot of it in my mind, pondering, smiling and imagining what our little one will look like.

Faith Becoming Sight

We've known about our "Little Surprise" for about 2 weeks now and the excitement is growing as it becomes more of a reality. It is difficult to grasp that life as we know it is about to turn UPSIDE DOWN!! (in a good way though=) Come little one come! We feel very ready for this next step, but the excitement is mixed with what I hope are normal feelings of inadequacy and trepidation.

Yesterday was our first real Pre-natal doctor's appt, which is why this is sinking in more with each new development. It was such a miracle to see our little baby on the ultrasound screen. It was so surreal! No one can define the emotions that arise in your chest when this faith (that there is baby), becomes sight.

Proud parents to be!



Michael really likes my doctor, so that brought a special level of comfort. She's very competent, and professional, and she gave us plenty of time to ask all our questions, which also brought a great deal of reassurance. I slept a lot better last night, just knowing that all is progressing normally according to health care professionals.

Ultimately, God holds our little one in His hands and each day He is meticulously and miraculously fashioning and forming it's little body according to His good purpose and plan. This brings comfort.

I take great delight in the verses of Psalm 139:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

We already can't wait to meet this child that God has given to us.


Here's a pic- I am somewhere around 6 weeks! Already a pudgy pudge forming!

April Fools

Ok, so I am sort of known as the prankster in our office family. However, today someone beat me to it and I have to say, they got me pretty good. Take a look at my filing cabinet where I keep all my pictures.

Yep, they are all turned upside down. I love it!

So clever and well planned! And who could it be? None other than one of the quietest least suspecting peoples, SUSAN! That was the best part. She does have a wild streak in her, that one.

Susan.... I will get you back =)